What is the Domme Deficit?
Have you heard of the Domme Deficit? The Domme Deficit is the discussion of how many straight male submissives versus straight female dominants are in the BDSM community. Bitchy Jones, in the article “Why 95% of Dominant Women Agree With Everything I Say” picked the number of one female dominant to twenty male submissives. No one really knows the exact number, there are so many factors to take into account and most people don’t talk about such things in polite company.
One recent article, “Why I Don’t Believe in The Domme Deficit” by Noah Brand, suggests that those numbers are highly exaggerated. The piece brings up a number of great points about male versus female fantasy. He concludes that there are a lot more dominant women out there but they don’t buy into the male images of FemDom.
While that may account for some of the deficit, it certainly doesn’t refute the fact that there is an extraordinary disparity in the community. I’ve been in the BDSM community for nearly a couple of decades and I’ve been both active online and in events around the world. Not only is there a Domme Deficit but there are a lot more men versus women in the community in general. In fact, the Domme Deficit may be even deeper than 1 in 20. Frankly, if you’re a male submissive, you have a steep hill to climb to find a play partner, much less find a relationship.
If you want some evidence of the Domme Deficit look no further than the proliferation of professional dominatrix who can easily charge $300 an hour. That’s a textbook example of economic supply and demand!
Whatever the reason, denying the Domme Deficit doesn’t make it go away. I think the BDSM community needs to first address why there are not more women who are active either online or in public. Whether you like Fifty Shades of Grey or not, it has introduced a generation of women to kink and that’s certainly a good start.
However, Fifty Shades is about a female submissive, and that plays to traditional gender roles. The Domme Deficit hints at a deeper societal issue. To bridge the gap between straight male submissives and straight female dominants, we have to find a way to engage women in that dynamic. Brand suggests an evolution of FemDom kink imagery. I suggest reaching out to those who are curious, continuing to provide information about real BDSM relationships and looking for female dominants who are willing to be role models.
Ladies, if you’ve ever had a discussion over leaving the toilet lid up, imagine a world where you not only win that fight but can punish him the next time he does it! (See? I’m already winning hearts and minds!)
What are your ideas about ending the Domme Deficit? I’d like to hear them in the comments below or you can email me directly at: dirk@dirkhooper.com
Dream hard,
– Dirk Hooper
June 24th, 2012
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Dirk Hooper: FETISHWEEK – What is the Domme Deficit?: What is the Domme Deficit? Have you hea… http://t.co/VqeCGK3S #fetish #news #pix
There is not a deficit of Dommes but of submissive men. I have been a Domme, not as a professional, for about 20 years. In this time I have found it very rare to meet any man who is actually a male submissive. Almost every man claiming to be submissive is actually looking for a woman to serve his needs, his fantasies. My place in this is to be a figurehead, little more than a blow up doll. This is not of interest to me. I want to enjoy the man I am with. I do not want to have a role in his fantasy, dress to suit him and hope I brought a good book for the really boring parts where I have nothing to do. I talk to other women Dominants and many feel just the same. Those who are willing to perform the role of Dominant his way are usually looking at the whole thing as a business. Women can make a nice $ as a professional. But, that’s not what I want. This is personal for me, I don’t want to make it a job.
Oh there’s absolutely a domme defecit though I’m not certain that it’s only because of the professional aspect of domination. I think that many dominant women (myself included) have run the course of seeking out submissive partners and playmates and have to struggle with the uphill battles of identity issues,insecurities, shame and unrealistic expectations on both ends. So we gracefully bow out of the game at least for a while.